You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
