Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
PANTIES FOUND
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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