Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
