Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
