There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
