You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would ride that face into the sunset
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
