Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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