Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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