Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Boobs speak an international language.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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