My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
