Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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