Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
