how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
