she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
