Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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