You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
