we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
