insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
