Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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