how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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