If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
