they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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