cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
