Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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