My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
