8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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