Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
