so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
