He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
