The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
