I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
