If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
