WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
