We won't sleep together?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
