My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
