i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
