i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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