Nicole vs. Life
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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