I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
