Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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