I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize