i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
