I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
