It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize