When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize