i was born a porn star she said
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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