their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
