Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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