I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize