hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
