By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
