Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize