mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
