She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize