If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize