K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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