My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's get the cat blown out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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