I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
