Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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