I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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