whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
