If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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