Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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