Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
