Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
