I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
