So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
