i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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