mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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