hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
