is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I just shit out all my problems.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
