Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.

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(404): View more from Georgia

dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?

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(518): View more from New York

you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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(802): View more from Vermont

there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.

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(817): View more from Texas

but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head

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(520): View more from Arizona

there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.

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(519): View more from Ontario

That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

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(325): View more from Texas

So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.

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(541): View more from Oregon

After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.

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