Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
