his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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