I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just crazy horny about you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
