thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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