I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
